Rejection is redirection! Say it with me: Rejection is REDIRECTION.
Rejection has been on my mind on a lot lately as I have spoken to clients who are grappling with rediscovering their confidence after recent pageant losses.
As a former pageant competitor for nearly a decade, I experienced firsthand just how painful it can be to not achieve your dream of winning the crown. You can readall about my journey to the crown here. T
he long and short of it is that I was a "how-to in reverse." Winning the pageant didn't come easily at first, and while I had a few stints as a runner-up, the closer I got... the more the it stung!
Yet, with each no, each rejection came redirection. The key is allowing and empowering ourselves to learn from each experience.
The intention or the "why" behind competing is essential. Why are you the next titleholder? It's safe to say that every one of the women standing on the stage wants to win, so there has to be more.
What impact are you currently having on your community? How do you demonstrate leadership? And perhaps more importantly, what skills and experiences are you working to cultivate in your life regardless of the outcome of the pageant?
Our focus should be presenting the best and most authentic version of ourselves.
During my competition years, I was told to change my talent to pop music (I'm a classically trained operatic soprano)... and guess what? I didn't win. I was told that I had to be "sexy" on stage and while my transformation was so intense my own mother didn't recognize me (I'm a classic All-American girl who brandished hair extensions and bandage dress)... I STILL DIDN'T WIN!
The times that I did win were when I delved in who I was and tapped into my purpose. I may not have been the tallest girl/the girl with the most expensive dress/the girl with the greatest level of fitness, but I WAS A WOMAN WITH VISION.
As a coach, I represent an opinion (it doesn't mean I am always right). I urge each of you to consider feedback from your last pageant, your coaches, friends/family, and spectators. What feedback is helpful/constructive?
"I wish you had brown eyes"- NOT HELPFUL! (I have green eyes.) Move on and keep pushing forward. I have experienced difficult feedback sessions, so I know that it is not always easy. One judge in particular told me that "I needed to work on my body" after winning Miss NYC.
What did I do? I worked my hardest to prepare for nationals as a confident and healthy woman on my own terms (not aligned with that judge's vision). And I will admit, while I initially felt embarrassed... it was a pretty amazing feeling to see that same judge's face when I placed Top 5 at nationals and won multiple high point awards :)
What about those times when we've been true to ourselves and it still isn't our turn?
I feel you on this too. That's why setting and working towards goals are so important!
INTENTION IS EVERYTHING.
Recently, I competed in a voice competition and sang my heart out. I was so incredibly proud of my performance and wouldn't change a thing. While I was disappointed not to advance, I DID come out of the experience a stronger performer, a more confident individual, and an inspired artist with new friendships because of the intention that I set. In addition to working towards the grand prize, I set goals to meet my fellow contestants and to challenge myself as a vocalist.
When your name isn't called into Top 15, Top 5, Winner, I challenge you to be excited for all that lies ahead. Rejection is redirection- whether it is strengthening how you prepare for your next pageant or equipping you to succeed in a new endeavor with confidence, public speaking skills, image, etc., I know there's opportunity around the corner.
So smile and applaud for the winner: she's earned her time, and I promise there's a spotlight waiting for you if you're willing to go find it!
How are those 2020 resolutions coming along? Have you already decided to throw in towel? Don’t despair, C2CGirl has you covered with Jackie's full goal-setting process.
1. Inventory the past year
On a scale of 1-10 rate your life in the following categories: Family/Friends, Relationship, Finances, Career, Health/Fitness, Personal Development, Spirituality… customize with other areas as needed. For example: I also have artistic and entrepreneur goals.
Once your status report is complete, what are the areas of your life you’re most content with? What are the areas where you’d like to see growth?
3. Look ahead to 2021.
Where do you want your life to be in one year? What changes would you like to see in your career, your relationships, your lifestyle, etc? Now is the time to be visionary… we will navigate how to get there in a minute.
For this step, I recommend vision boarding or journaling. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re imagining new possibilities.
4. Break down your annual goals into quarterly and monthly goals.
If you want to save $5,000, there are quarterly and monthly benchmarks that you'll need to hit along the way. I find this provides meaningful insight if you fall short of your goal. Let's think through this: To save $5,000, I'd need to save $416.67/month or $1,250/quarter. I know that twice a year I have a double pay-check but let's say in June, I have a vacation planned. I probably won't be saving $416 the same month I'm going on vacation, so I'll need to adjust my goals and plan to save more in other months if I plan to still hit my $5,000 goal.
This also works for non-numeric goals. Let's say you plan to get an agent. You're going to need to prepare your audition package, get headshots taken, commit to meeting casting directors or attending go-sees, and complete mailers. How can you quantify your success? Perhaps you decide to meet 2 casting directors per month and mail a minimum of one agency per week.
5. Write out metric-based quarterly goals.
Less than 3% of adults write their goals, yet those that do are 42% more likely to achieve their goals if they do. Even for non-numeric goals as discussed above, how can you quantify success?
Instead of “get fit” or “lose weight” try “commit to strength training a minimum of three days per week.”
6. Design accountability systems.
I have various trackers that use to hold myself accountable. Some ideas include: create a chart, use a checklist, find an accountability partner, enroll in a regular class/coaching, and my weekly check-in date.
7. REVIEW YOUR GOALS!
According to Brian Tracy, less than 1% of people review their goals on a daily basis. EVERY weekend, I make a point of reviewing my goals. I physically write out what my weekly wins were and what my actions steps are for the following week.
8. Daily Action Steps
EVERY DAY, I write out my goals on a post-it note. I take inventory to remind myself if there is anything I can do today to be even one step closer to achieving my goal. When I launched Commit to the Crown's product line, there were tons of steps- everything from writing the questions, authoring the study materials, licensing the music, etc. Breaking down a huge task into bite size pieces, helped me achieve my March 1st launch goal.
9. Celebrate your Success!
Be sure to celebrate your successes. Along with tracking my goals, I set rewards and write out my "why." For example, when I was paying off a credit card my "why's" included mantras such as "debt free by 30" and "your credit score will be great!" I also promised (and delivered) to myself a spa day.
What's your goal setting process? Tell me your tips/tricks in the comments below.
Hi there! Welcome to #C2CGirl, the official blog of Commit to the Crown. #C2CGirl will feature relevant discussions, inspirational interviews, lifestyle and more.
When I founded Commit to the Crown back in 2015, I wanted to be not only a coach but a mentor for women looking to find their voice. Yet somewhere along the way, the brand has defined mine. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine the "method" I used to win my first pageant in Central Illinois would turn into a coaching brand that has served women in 45 of 50 US States and 6 countries to date. Come to think of it, I also never imagined as a Voice major and Italian minor living in Illinois, I would be running my own business less than a decade later in NYC.
But you see, that's the thing about pageantry-- it prepares us to take on the things we never planned or never thought we'd be ready for. In every win and every loss, there is a lesson to be learned. And speaking of learning, through the ups and downs of this crazy journey, I have learned a LOT. Some of this blog will be sharing what I have learned alongside and from all of you.
One of the greatest surprises of my coaching career was that despite the level of accomplishment, many women still struggle to have their voice heard in an impactful way. I have been honored to coach lawyers, investment bankers, entrepreneurs, engineers, artists, teachers... every career you can imagine. Yet the challenges women face remain whether from board rooms to big screens, and from classrooms to court rooms.
Commit to the Crown believes that women deserve a place to be the best version of themselves. #C2Cgirl is inspiration, aspiration, lifestyle, and community all in one. Be sure to check back soon for our blog post soon!
Have an idea for a future blog post? Be sure to leave a comment!
NYC pageant coach Jackie Schiffer is passionate about helping women find their voices. Her international client roster includes women competing at the local, national and international level. Currently, she serves on the national coaching team for Miss Earth USA, USA National Miss, Miss Global United States, Mrs. Universal, and more.